


In Silence

by brainfagged



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-07-01 01:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15763833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brainfagged/pseuds/brainfagged
Summary: What began as an ordinary stomach flu escalated into something far more serious for the members of Monsta X.





	1. Homebound.

 

 

 

 

Kihyun was exhausted. He felt tired from the very moment he woke up, tired as they go through the group meeting, tired to even chew his food; that he barely ate anything throughout the day. If the rest of the members noticed, they didn’t say anything. Then again, not that he expected them to. After all, each member of Monsta X was tired, having recently ended their world tour concert.

The end of their overseas world tour concert definitely does not mean _REST N’ RELAX_ for the seven-membered group. There were still plenty of shows and appearances that they were slated to be on before they start preparing for their next comeback. The past few months had been hectic for the group. Heck, it had been hectic for the past year or so for them.

 Kihyun was used to it, really. Used to the lifestyle of jetting off from one country to another in a span of days. Always being around people, always working and constantly having to put on a perfect front even when things were going sideways. 

This was his dream, his passion. With that in mind, he could not allow himself to complain or grumble about the hardships even when the going gets really tough.

 He was grateful for the opportunities and experiences, but he was fraying at the seams. And for the most part, he didn’t even realize it.  On the surface, he had always been able to manage all the stress and exhaustion well throughout their busy schedules.

But this time was a little different. This time he wanted a few solid days off, just a few days away from the idol life. Events from the past few days were slowly getting to the normally upbeat vocalist.  On the flight back home from LA after they wrapped up the world tour, Kihyun imagined the luxury of having his own time just for a few days. Instead, reality had the boys whisked to Malaysia for another concert right after their arrival back to Korea. After a short stay there, the boys flew back to their homeland and were given only a day off. The rest of the boys spent their day off at the dorm recuperating as much as they were able to, while Kihyun went straight to see his mother for a quick visit as soon as they landed and spent his day off on some quality time with her. He had been running on empty that whole time.

Kihyun was tired. No, scratch that.  He was beyond exhausted. He didn’t feel too well either, but he didn’t want to make a big fuss about it knowing very well that everyone else was just as tired as he was.  When the meeting ended that day, it was already late afternoon. All seven boys agreed that the meeting took longer than it should have and they were all more than ready to head back to their dorm.

The journey back to their dorm took a little longer than normal. The bumper-to-bumper traffic was impossible to escape when it comes to Seoul’s evening rush hour. Kihyun had his eyes closed but he wasn’t sleeping, though. He couldn’t. His stomach felt as if it was flip-flopping and he felt nauseous and dizzy. Cracking his eyes open from time to time to see where they were at, he caught a glance of the other members nodding off and wished that he could do the same too.

When they arrived back to their dorm, the chaos ensued the moment they stepped inside. The boys were lively and animated after a decent nap on their way back.  Everyone was laughing and chattering away amongst themselves. Kihyun silently moved past them and headed to his room.  It had been quite some time since he was last in his dorm and he couldn’t wait to see his bed.

What greeted him in the room caused the vocalist to frown. The room was cluttered with unwashed clothes and opened luggage on the floor. Minhyuk, Jooheon and I.M had been back in the dorm the day before, and it seemed that they had managed to stir up a storm in the room in just one day. Kihyun sighed and shook his head at the mess. He wanted to yell out in frustration but decided against it. When he got to his bunk, there were clothes and things that don’t even belong to him strewn across his bed. The vocalist bit his lip; he really didn’t want to nag at anyone tonight. He simply removed the objects from his bed and neatly set it aside on the table between their bunk beds.

Knowing that he wouldn’t be able to unpack his things that night, he put his luggage aside and tucked it neatly against the wall where it wouldn’t be in anyone’s way. Deciding on a glass of water and perhaps some pain-killers, Kihyun made his way into the kitchen where he found more reasons to bite his tongue. He sighed and mumbled to himself at the scene before him, clearly annoyed. A bunch of unwashed dishes stacked up in the sink and the kitchen counter had questionable food stains and crusts. _How the hell did they manage to turn the house upside down in just one day?_ The vocalist thought to himself. He could feel his blood boiling at the sight of the mess, but he kept it contained. There was no need to lose it over the small things, he reminded himself.

Reaching for a mug, he realized that there were none left. His eyes automatically darted towards the sink. Another agitated sigh escaped his lips. But before he could gather his thoughts, the youngest of the group appeared beside him at the kitchen sink. The younger added another mug onto the stack of unwashed dishes and innocently turned away to leave right after doing so.

Kihyun saw the scene playing before him and his eyes went wide in disbelief at I.M’s careless actions. It really wasn’t a big deal, but for Kihyun it was the final straw.

“Yah! Changkyun!” He hollered before the youngest disappeared from his sight. Startled, the maknae of the group turned around as soon as he heard his name being called out.  Slightly confused at Kihyun’s tone, he raised his eyebrows and looked at the older boy innocently.

“Is it that hard to just wash whatever you’ve used right after using them? Look! There’s no more clean glasses or mugs! Everything is dirty!” Kihyun usually nags around the house, but this time he sounded more angry than usual.  I.M was about to open his mouth to answer, but Jooheon came into the kitchen with his eyebrows knitted together. The rapper looked rather confused and slightly annoyed.

“Why were you yelling?” Jooheon asked, exasperation evident in his voice.

Kihyun who was holding back his displeasure at the condition of the house from the moment they got back, couldn’t hold it back anymore. “How did you managed to make so much mess within a day? “  Now it wasn’t just about the dirty mugs.  “Everything is all over the place!  Would it kill you to just clean up after yourselves instead of leaving things to stack up? It’s like a pig sty in here, God!” Kihyun was so frustrated.

“Oh, come on! It’s not even a big deal.” Another voice interjected. It was Wonho. “It’s not like we don’t help out around the house. Yeah sure it’s messy now, we could clean it tomorrow when we come back.”

“First of all, it’s a simple task. I’m not asking you guys to deep clean the house!” Kihyun was shaking by now. Half of him knew that he shouldn’t make it a big deal out of it, yet the other half of him was so annoyed that he couldn’t just let it go.

“Knowing you, that’s what you'd want out of us. Even if we do deep clean the house, you’d still run your mouth and complain.” Wonho chided.

“Kihyun-hyung, you _ARE_ always making a big deal out of nothing. You’re making it sound like it’s the end of the world. It gets really annoying. You’re not the only one living in this house, you know? You can’t expect everything to go your way.” The second youngest of the group added. His tone was calm but menacing. “When you weren’t here yesterday, it was so, so, so much better. Everyone was chill, no one was stressed out by you nagging at us all the time.”

Kihyun felt dizzy. He could deal with Wonho’s remarks, but hearing that from Jooheon, really hit him hard. He had no idea that was what the younger had always truly felt towards him. He would expect something like that to come out of Minhyuk’s mouth, but not Jooheon's. His pride and feelings were hurt, but he refused to let it show. “Fine, I won’t nag anymore, do whatever you want.” The vocalist said curtly before stomping out of the kitchen area and headed straight to his room. He could feel two pairs of eyes on him as he strode past the living room. It was Shownu and Hyungwon; they obviously heard the commotion but decided not to get involved.

Kihyun sat dejectedly on his bed.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. His eyes stung and his chest tightened, but he refused to let himself succumb to tears. It’s not easy to make Yoo Kihyun cry, but Jooheon’s words were as sharp enough and they penetrated right through his heart like knives.

A wave of exhaustion spread over him. The discomfort in his stomach wasn’t helping any, either.  Glancing at the time on his phone; it was still too early for bed. He didn’t feel like doing anything or dealing with anyone. That, and they do have an early schedule in the morning. He just wanted to forget everything, call it a day and let himself melt away into a much needed deep and undisturbed sleep.

He momentarily thought about taking a shower, but his exhausted body convinced him otherwise.  Not bothered to even change his clothes, he laid down on the bed and rolled his body to face the wall and closed his tired eyes. Laughter erupted from the living room; clearly coming from the rest of the members.  _I guess Jooheonie’s right, they are always happier without me around._ With that thought, Kihyun drifted off to a fitful sleep.

 


	2. Distant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow! Thank you for all the kudos and comments! Also, thank you for taking your time to read this story! I really appreciate it!

 

 

 

 

He kept hearing his name being called again and again, it sounded far away at first, but each time his name was being called, it sounded closer and louder. Minhyuk groaned. It can’t be time to wake up yet, he felt like he had only been asleep for fifteen minutes. He could hear movements and muffled voices around him, but his body refused to cooperate. It took too much effort to budge from the comfortable position he was in.

  
He cracked an eye open, just enough to see his surroundings. He could make out that the bed on the opposite side from his, was vacant. He expected to see Kihyun up and about, nagging at everyone to get up and get ready like he usually would, but he saw their manager instead.

  
“Get up, get up!” their manager, Hongsik hollered at no one in particular, drawing the blinds open so the light would come through the room. He could hear Jooheon and I.M bickering, creating a ruckus around the room in the background. _Ah, that means everyone’s awake except for me_. Minhyuk squirmed and whined lazily, kicking the duvet off his body. Begrudgingly, he slid out of his bed and sleepily made his way to the bathroom.

  
When he came out from the bathroom, he noticed that Kihyun was still cocooned up and sleeping on his bed. That can’t be right. Kihyun was always the first to wake up in the morning. Having the manager come in to wake them up was strange enough, but to see Kihyun sleep through the commotions that transpired was even stranger.

Minhyuk decided to leave it at that and proceeded to put his clothes on and got ready. He called out to Kihyun a number of times while he was getting ready; asking him to wake up, but the boy didn’t even stir.

  
“Kihyun-ah!” He called out one more time. Minhyuk was sitting on his bed, all dressed up, looking at his phone and replying to a few KakaoTalk messages. When he didn’t get an answer from Kihyun, a sudden wave of concern enveloped him. _Why isn’t he waking up?_ He tilted his head in confusion and stood up, abandoning his phone on the bed. Slowly, he inched closer towards the bunk bed on the opposite side of the wall and peered over to the sleeping vocalist. The way Kihyun laid there silent and unmoving was deeply unsettling for Minhyuk to see. _Is he even breathing?_ He didn’t think that Kihyun was even breathing. He looked so still and quiet.

  
“Yah!” He called out loudly, pulling roughly at the blanket that was haphazardly covering the lower part of Kihyun’s body. “Yoo Kihyun! Wake up! We have to go now!” Minhyuk screeched, trying to get some sort of response from the other. “We’re going to be late! Wake up!” Minhyuk would never admit it, but he was getting desperate to see or hear a response from his sleeping friend.

“…what…” Kihyun mumbled, pulling the blanket all the way up to cover his face.  Coiling away from Minhyuk, and more into the blanket; the vocalist seemed to be slipping back into sleep.

Minhyuk felt a wave of immense relief. For a second, he truly thought that his roommate was dead. It was really bizarre to see Kihyun sleep as deeply as he did, but he also felt slightly annoyed and frustrated that he was worrying over absolutely nothing.

  
“Wake up! We’re leaving soon!” The older of the two said loudly, purposely wanting to annoy the sleeping boy so he would wake up. “Kihyun! Wake up!”

He opened his eyes blearily and saw Minhyuk standing beside his bed-- right in his face. He blinked a few times, trying to focus more on his surroundings and willed himself to fully wake up.  “Mmm… I’m up…” he reluctantly pushed himself up and sat tiredly on his bed to show that he was awake. 

“Okay! Hurry up and shower! Everyone else’s ready. We’re leaving soon!”  Minhyuk said, picking up his phone before leaving the room to join the rest of the boys in the living room.

Kihyun sat on his bed unmoving for a few more seconds after Minhyuk left. He felt so drained. He slept early the night before, but he felt like he had barely slept at all. The day hasn’t even started and he was already too exhausted to do anything.

  
A wave of dizziness swept over him as soon as he got off the bed. His body seemed to protest every movement he made. He wanted to give up and just stay in bed all day, but he knew he couldn’t do that. Kihyun swallowed, willing himself to move faster. He felt even more pressured knowing that everyone else was ready, waiting for him.

He made his way to the bathroom, hoping that a hot shower would wake him up and bring his body back to its normal state.

He had to brace himself against the bathroom wall more than a few times. His whole body felt weak and heavy. At some point, he had to lean against the cold tiled wall to support himself; just so he wouldn’t end up cracking his head open on the bathroom floor. Definitely not how he wanted to start his day. Moving as fast as his body allowed him to, Kihyun plodded out of the bathroom and got himself ready for the day.

When the vocalist appeared in the living room, the other members were busy talking amongst each other. Hyungwon was dozing off on the side. Save for their manager, no one else really acknowledged his presence.

Events from last night replayed in his mind, reminding him of the hurtful words that were thrown at him.

“Ah! Finally! Let’s go!” The dutiful manager chimed, getting up from the sofa and hurrying to the door. “Let’s go, guys! Let’s go!” He clapped his hand loudly, making sure that everyone was making a move to leave.

  
In the car, Kihyun kept both his eyes and mouth shut. He felt miserable, both mentally and physically. They’ve all had a fair amount of arguments amongst each other, but he couldn’t remember anything as tensed as last night’s argument. It had to be the stress from touring, he reasoned. It’ll all blow off soon. Or would it? He didn’t want to think about it, at the time being.

The boys arrived at their location not too long after they had left their dorm. Kihyun was thankful that it wasn’t a long ride; he didn’t think he could keep the contents of his stomach in if it had gone any longer. As he stepped out of the car, he took a deep breath, letting the morning air fill out his lungs. He didn’t know how he was going to survive the day without keeling over, but he sure was glad that their schedule for that day was a short one.

  
It was a short interview session which Kihyun had tried his best to keep up with. The interviewer and a few other staffs had noticed and asked if Kihyun was alright. Each time someone asked him if he was okay, he would say that he was still jetlagged and tired from the tour and that he was okay. Throughout the interview, despite feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, he tried to stay professional. He was definitely less engaging and a lot more quiet than normal, but he got through the interview without a hitch. By lunchtime, the boys were done with their day’s schedule.

The production crew had lunch prepared for their guests, so the boys stuck around for that. Kihyun wasn’t interested in the food at all. While the other members enjoyed their lunch, Kihyun sat in the corner with his eyes closed, seemingly asleep. He wasn’t. He could hear everything that was going on around him. The dizziness was back with a vengeance and his stomach was doing that flip-flopping thing again.

  
Excusing himself from the group, Kihyun made his way to the men’s room. He didn’t feel good at all; maybe a few splashes of water to the face could do the trick. His stomach twisted in knots and he felt bile rising up his throat. He couldn’t hold it down this time around. Covering his mouth with his hand, he dashed into one of the cubicles, barely shutting the door behind him. His stomach lurched, acid rising up into his throat. He hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday afternoon so there was nothing but bile for him to throw up. His stomach contracted painfully with each heave, his visions blurred. He panted over the toilet until there was nothing more than dry heave. His eye closed, and he was breathing heavily. Biting back a whimper, Kihyun tried to gather his strength to move away from the toilet bowl. The toilet flushed itself after sensing the movement, getting rid of the visual of his stomach content.

  
Kihyun groaned, keeping himself steady in that closed space, glad that it was over.  He can’t remember the last time he felt this sick. What was happening to him? He wondered as he wiped his mouth with the tissue.

  
“Kihyun-hyung” His thoughts interrupted by a familiar voice calling out his name. He so was startled he nearly jumped out of his skin. It was unmistakeably I.M’s voice. _Why was the youngest there? Was he there all along? Could he have heard everything?_

Kihyun panicked a little. He didn’t want anyone to know that he was retching his guts out just a moment ago.

  
“Kihyun-hyung…” I.M’ called out again. For a second, Kihyun thought maybe if he didn’t answer, the younger boy would just leave. 

.  
“Yeah, what?”  He answered, clearing his throat and grimacing at the acidic tasted that still clung at his throat.  “Are we leaving?”

  
“Yeah, we’re leaving. Everyone’s heading to the car now.” Judging by I.M’s tone, there wasn’t a trace of concern. Kihyun let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. _Okay, he doesn’t know anything._ “Alright, I’ll be right down!”  Kihyun hollered, trying to sound as normal as he could.

  
When he didn’t hear any more movements from outside, he carefully let the door open, stepped outside and headed over towards the sink. He needed to gargle and wash out the bitter taste that was still lingering in his mouth.

  
As soon as he reached to turn on the tap, once again Kihyun was startled by the same voice. “You okay, hyung?”  I.M was standing near the restroom doorway. His face was void of any emotions, but the concern was evident in his voice.

  
“Oh my god, you scared me!” The older boy let out a nervous laugh, “Thought you left” Kihyun tried to keep his front.

  
“Hyung, if you’re not feeling well, you should tell Hongsik-hyung.” Clearly, the youngest wasn’t buying it.

 

“Ah… that…” Kihyun began anxiously. “I think I might have eaten something bad that’s upsetting my stomach.” He genuinely thought that was the case, what else could it be?

  
And I.M seemed satisfied with the answer. “Yeah. Still, you should have told someone.“

  
Even though Kihyun saw no reason to tell anyone about an upset stomach, he simply nodded at I.M. He proceeded to wash out the acidic after-taste off his mouth and made his way out with the maknae once he was done.

  
They didn’t say anything else to each other until they got to the car. Kihyun still felt very awkward being with the others after what had transpired the night before. Even though the argument was between him, Jooheon and Wonho, he felt as if his presence was unwanted.

  
Heading back to their dorm, Kihyun was relieved that everything went on without a hitch. Despite feeling like death warmed up, he sat through the interview like a champ. Physically though, he felt nothing like a champion. He felt weak to the bone, the dizziness and waves of nausea had made it even worse.

  
Kihyun went straight to his room as soon as they arrived back to their dorm. He was so tired that he was about ready to just collapse on his bed and just sleep for days. He ignored the mess in the room that seemed to have doubled since last night. He was so tempted to start cleaning, but he felt too out of it to do so. _I’ll do it tomorrow._ He decided to take a shower and take it easy for the rest of the day. There was nothing on their schedule for the next two days, so he would have a lot of time to unpack and clean to his heart’s content.  
  
When he climbed into onto his bed and settled down, he fell asleep instantly as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was drifting into a dream when he was suddenly jolted awake. He looked around and saw nothing but darkness. Kihyun momentarily panicked. _Why was it so dark?_

His eyes adjusted to the darkness moments later, he realized that it was already dark outside, the lights in the room were not on. He groggily rubbed his eyes and sat up on the bed, listening to his surroundings.

  
Silence.

  
In the darkness, Kihyun could make out that the bed across from his own was empty, and there weren’t any snoring sounds or any other movements in the room.

 

He was alone.

 

He climbed out of his bed and winced at the sharp pain in his abdomen. _What the hell? Why does everything hurt?_ He pressed a hand to it and continued to drag his feet towards the door, turning on the light to his room as he passed by the switch. The living room was dark and quiet with the only source of light coming from the TV.  He saw a shadowy figure curled up on the sofa; he could immediately tell it was Hyungwon. He didn’t see or hear anyone else around. He figured that they were probably all out doing something outside since it would be their day off the next day.   

  
Dragging his feet, Kihyun slowly made his way into the kitchen. He turned on the light and frowned at the condition of the kitchen. It definitely had gotten worse than the night before. He sighed weakly and reached for a random mug out of the pile of dirty dishes. At first, he had only intended to wash that one mug so he could drink from it, but once he started, he couldn’t stop. He ended up standing in front of the kitchen sink washing every single dirty dish that was in it. He felt like absolute shit, but when he started something, he couldn’t just leave it halfway. He ignored the pain that blossomed in his stomach and continued on to clean the kitchen. When the pain became unbearable, he would persist, telling himself that there was just a little more left to be done.

  
Kihyun was so caught up with all the cleaning, that he didn’t even realize that he had gone as far as separating the recycles and throwing out the piled up trash in the kitchen. He only started to realize that he had done more than his body could take when he found himself staggering towards the building of their dorm. He had gone all the way to the trash disposal area. His stomach clenched painfully and his chest tightened with each step, he was beginning to wonder if he’d manage to get back up to their floor.

  
It felt like forever, but he finally made it to the door. Shakily pressing the code to open the door, it took him several tries before he was able to let himself in. He sucked in a deep breath, relieved that he made it into the house. _Just a few more steps, just a few more…_ He repeated the phrase like a mantra but it was useless. He stopped. Grabbing at the edge of the counter for support, he felt the need to steady himself. Everything around him was spinning out of control and he could barely keep up. His legs gave out, and then he knew no more


	3. Crestfallen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking around! Thank you for all the kudos and comments.

 

 

   

 

For a moment Kihyun thought he was dreaming. As soon as his senses crept back, all he could feel was the pain. He forced his eyes open. Even in the muted light, everything looked like it was spinning. A wave of nausea crawled up his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut hoping that the feeling would subside.

“Hyung?” The voice came muffled as if he was underwater.

Carefully, Kihyun cracked his eyes open again, the world around him was still spinning, but it had slowed down enough for him to able to endure it.

“Hyung?!” The same voice called out again, it sounded clearer this time. Clear enough that even in the state of his muddled brain, he could hear the urgency of the tone. Through blurred vision, his let his eyes explore his surroundings. Though unclear, he could tell from the silhouette that I.M was hovering over him.

“Wha-…” He winced and swallowed thickly, his stomach felt like it was on fire. “What… happened?” He slurred, face etched in pain and confusion.

“I think you passed out.” I.M had barely gotten himself into the house when he saw Kihyun near the kitchen swaying and then crumpling onto the floor. He didn’t have time to break the older boy’s fall because it happened so unexpectedly. “Did you hit your head? Does it hurt?” I.M was rubbing Kihyun’s head, worried that the vocalist had hit his head when he fell.

It took a moment for Kihyun to process what I.M was saying. “…Uh… no… don’t think so…” Even if he did, he wouldn’t know; his head hurt, everything hurt. “I’m… fine…” Kihyun tried to downplay his condition. “Just… dizzy…and fell… I guess”

I.M wasn’t convinced. Not after everything that he heard and saw earlier. First, he heard Kihyun spilling his guts out in the men’s room, just a moment ago, he had helplessly witnessed Kihyun collapse into a heap right before his eyes. “Hyung….”

“I’m fine, really.” Admitting how he truly felt would only cause inconvenience to everyone, he thought. He didn’t want that. The other members had enough to worry about.  A good sleep would fix this _._ There was absolutely no reason to cause any unnecessary concern over something so trivial such as an upset stomach.

Pushing himself slowly, Kihyun tested his strength. He wasn’t confident if he could do it, but with all his might, he managed to sit up. I.M snaked an arm around Kihyun’s slender body, gently helping the vocalist up to his feet.

“Can you make it to the room?” I.M asked.

No, he didn’t think he could make it to the room, but he nodded anyway. He let I.M lead him on, a sense of relief washed over him when he saw the doorway to their room. He desperately needed to lie down. At this point, we wanted nothing else but to lay his body down in his own bed.

The relief was short-lived, however. A sharp, stabbing pain suddenly ripped through his abdominal area, causing him to involuntary hissed in pain, his hand clutching at the area where the pain exploded. Kihyun bit his lip to stop himself from crying out.  _It hurts so damn bad._

Feeling the smaller boy in his arms tensed up, I.M tightened his hold. “Hyung!” _What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck!_ He panicked, taking up as much as Kihyun’s weight in his arms, he quickly helped the distressed boy to the closest bed.

There was no way Kihyun was able to climb up to his own bed on the top bunk in the given condition, so he’d have to settle with Jooheon’s bed instead. Kihyun complied, the pain almost knocked the wind out of him. The pain had dulled out considerably and the vocalist was able to catch his breath and calmed himself down a little.

“What happened? Hyung, I think you should see a doctor.” I.M said eyeing him intently. “Everyone else is out, should I call them to come home?”

“N-No… I’m fine…”

“No, you’re not! You just fainted, hyung!”

“I did… not…” Kihyun frowned, his hand unconsciously moving to press at his stomach, where the pain had originated.

I.M hardly looked convinced and Kihyun couldn’t blame the youngest member.  “I haven’t really slept properly since last week, haven’t really eaten properly, either. I’m just tired, so tired that I’m getting all these dizzy spells. You know how it is…” Kihyun tried to reason. “Look, if I don’t feel better tomorrow, I’ll go see the doctor, get some energy shots or something. Just don’t… worry about it…”

The youngest was still not convinced, but he did see some reasonable points from Kihyun. Idol life isn’t easy, fainting due to exhaustion doesn’t really sound far-fetched.

“One more thing… let’s not tell Hongsik-hyung or Shownu-hyung… or anyone about this, okay? It’s not a big deal.”

Kihyun may not think that it was a big deal, but I.M surely thought it was. He had never seen Kihyun in that state before. “If you don’t feel better tomorrow, you WILL go see the doctor, okay?” The youngest said sternly. “Even if you do feel better, I still think you should see the doctor. You took quite a tumble just now, make sure you didn’t get a concussion.”

Kihyun flashed a weak smile and nodded. The string of conversations was tiring him out. Who would have thought talking takes so much energy?

“I think you should lay down here for now. Jooheon-hyung went drinking with his friends, so he’s probably going to be home late, or maybe not at all tonight.”

Kihyun gave another small nod as a response.

“Alright then… do you need anything?”

“Water. Some water would be great. Please, and thanks.”

“Okay! Water it is, and maybe some painkillers and also something to eat! You haven’t eaten at all today, right hyung?”

 Kihyun never agreed on having something to eat. Just the thought of it alone sent his stomach churning. He had no more energy left for another round of fruitless argument so he just agreed.

Satisfied, I.M made his way out of the room and into the kitchen. The first thing he noticed was how clean the kitchen looked. He cursed under his breath knowing full well who had cleaned the kitchen. “Kihyun-hyung is really something… when and how did he manage to clean everything?”He thought aloud.

Careful not to create a mess in the newly cleaned kitchen, I.M rummaged cautiously through the cabinets looking for some food. They have been touring for months, so there wasn’t a lot of food stocked in the house. A granola bar would do for the time being. He grabbed a bottle of water and some painkillers and then padded towards their shared room. In the hallway, he noticed that the TV was on and Hyungwon was fast asleep on the couch. I.M hadn’t noticed it earlier, but he had to wonder how someone could sleep through what had happened earlier.

“Kihyun-hyung, I couldn’t fin—“ I.M frowned at the sight before him; Kihyun was already fast asleep. He felt conflicted. He didn’t know if he should wake Kihyun up or leave him to sleep.  Setting the bottled water, painkillers and the granola bar on the side table, I.M decided to let the older boy sleep. He wasn’t happy with how pale and discolored Kihyun looked. But he wanted to believe that Kihyun would be fine after a well-needed sleep. So he did. Even when every fiber of his being told him otherwise.

 

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Kihyun woke with a start, sweat-drenched and breathing heavily. His heart thumped wildly in his chest and the fiery stabbing pain in his stomach was relentless. It hurt so bad that he could barely catch a breath. He bolted up from the bed, his eyes frantically scanning into the dimmed light. The sudden movement caused his stomach to rebel. If he didn’t get to the bathroom soon, he would be emptying the contents of his stomach right there in the bed; that much he knew.

The searing pain in his stomach did not relent, each movement seemed to only make it worse. Kihyun wanted to scream, but nothing came out. He threw his legs off the bed and tried to stand, but his legs felt like jello and he fell on the floor in a crumpled heap.

Feeling helpless on the floor, Kihyun looked around in the room to see if any of his roommates were around. It didn’t seem like it. In his daze, he could hear voices coming from outside of the room. He sat on the floor panting, taking a second, waiting for the nausea to pass. He did not dare to move, so he stayed still with his eyes closed, regulating his breaths.

The door was left ajar, so he could hear everything on the other side of the room. He could hear familiar voices talking and the TV blasting in the background. He had no interest in what they were talking about until he heard his name. He heard his name come up a few times.

Despite the pain disrupting his concentration, Kihyun did not need to strain to hear what was being said.

 

_“Kihyun hyung better not puke on my bed! If he does, I’ll make him clean it up thoroughly and nag at him the way he nags at me to clean up!”_

Strings of laughter followed after the comment was made.

 _“He needs to chill, he’s going to get a stroke at an early age if he continues on to nag and take everything too seriously.”_ The voice was unmistakably Minhyuk’s.

 _“…Yeah, I was so annoyed at him yesterday. He came back here, and the first thing he did was nag us. Today I avoided him the whole day.”_ The same voice continued _“He’s our team and all, but sometimes I really can’t take it. He needs to bring his shoulders down at least two levels lower.”_

Kihyun let out a whimper, he didn’t know what was worse. The searing pain in his stomach, or the hurtful words he was hearing. His eyes watered involuntarily and his chest constricted further. He wondered if it was all just a dream. The members wouldn’t say things like that, would they?

_“But seriously, guys! I think Kihyun-hyung is really sick. He never gets sick! Something’s wrong with him we need to tell Hongsik-hyung. What if it’s something serious?”_

_“The only thing that is wrong with him is his nagging traits.”_

_“You should cut him some slack, he’s the only one--.”_

Kihyun refused to hear any more. If the nausea was bad a while ago, it surely was on full force now. The content of his stomach was threatening to spill. He knew that he needed to go to the bathroom before he decorates the floor with his own guts. _Stop wallowing in self-pity._ He told himself, grabbing the side of the bed with all his might, using it as a support to force himself up.

He could not remember how he made it from the bed to the bathroom, but he was glad that he did. Kneeling in front of the toilet, he heaved painfully into the toilet bowl. Tears spilling down to his cheeks from both physical and emotional pain. In the 24 years of his life, he had never felt this pathetic.

He didn’t know how long he had been in front of the toilet, but he literally had nothing else to throw up. He was starting to lose consciousness, his already depleted energy reserves completely drained and he had nothing left in him.

 

 

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After saying goodnight to everyone in the living room, Jooheon headed to the room. As much as he wanted to stay up and watch another Avengers movie, his eyes were begging him to get some sleep. He had been drinking quite a bit earlier, so he was still feeling the after effect even though it had been hours since.

I.M had informed him earlier that Kihyun was sleeping on his bed, so he knew that he had to climb up to the top bunk if he wanted to sleep. He expected to see Kihyun on his bed, but there was no one there but a crumpled blanket. Puzzled, he did a quick scan around the room. Kihyun was nowhere to be found.

He saw something in the corner of his eyes that made him stop in his tracks. The bathroom door adjacent to their room was wide open, he thought he saw something on the floor, but he did not dare to look properly in that direction. The chicken-hearted rapper gulped, the hair on the back of his neck stood up. _What the fuck was that!_ His imagination started to run wild. He imagined that if he turned to look, he’d see the crawling lady ghost from the horror movie Juon. 

Jooheon let out a shaky breath and willed himself to turn to have a look. He didn’t know what made him do it, but he did. He was ready to face the horror that was an apparition of a ghost, but instead, he was met with something even more horrifying.

“Kihyun-hyung!”  his fear turned into something real. He quickly moved to kneel beside the fallen vocalist.

“Shownu-hyung! Wonho-hyung!” Jooheon hollered on top of his lungs.  “Hurry up!” He wanted to call out everyone but he couldn’t seem to remember everyone’s name in the state of panic he was in.

“Shit! What happened?!”  He gently moved Kihyun’s head on his lap, tapping at his cheeks in an attempt to wake the unconscious boy up. The lack of response was scaring him.

Suddenly the bathroom was crowded, the level of panic multiplied the moment the other members came into the picture. None of them knew what actually happened.  So they each created their own unthinkable narratives, thickening the amount of fear.

Shownu took charge, checking to see if their unconscious friend was still breathing. He also checked if there were any signs of blood coming out from the small frame, he was relieved when he couldn't find any. To distract Jooheon from freaking out, he ordered the younger to check on Kihyun’s pulse.

“Someone go call Hongsik-hyung!” The leader tried to remain calm but his eyes showed that he was scared and worried.  He wasn’t happy with how faint Kihyun’s vitals were.  

Shownu swiftly scooped Kihyun into his arms, picking the much smaller boy up as a groom would carry their bride.  He then gently laid the unconscious boy on Jooheon’s bed. “Don’t crowd him, go make yourselves useful!” The leader barked, showing a side of him that the members rarely see. 

“Minhyuk, go get fresh clothes, he’s soaked!” Shownu continued to observe Kihyun, taking in each and every detail he was able to gather.  “He’s burning up with fever!” He said loudly to no one in particular. _How could have they missed this?_

In the midst of the chaos, Jooheon remained by Kihyun’s side, even after he was moved to the bed. He didn’t abandon the task that Shownu had given him earlier. He kept his fingers on Kihyun’s wrist, making sure he could feel the weak flutters of the vocalist’s pulse.

“Shownu-hyung… let’s not wait for Hongsik-hyung anymore... Let’s just call the ambulance. Kihyun-hyung needs to go to the hospital now… “

“I can’t feel his pulse…”

 

 

 


	4. Revelations.

 

 

 

It was as if the time had stopped and his entire world had come crashing down upon him. Shownu went on autopilot the moment Jooheon said that Kihyun no longer had a pulse. Everyone was frantic then, yelling and panicking, thinking that their main vocal was gone forever. It turned out that he did have a pulse. Barely, but it was there. Apparently, Jooheon was just too distraught with what was unfolding before him that he couldn’t feel the weak pulsation beneath his fingers. Who could blame the poor boy? Everyone was in a complete mess at the time.

The boys watched helplessly as the paramedics poured into the small shared room, moving swiftly to attend to the unconscious form on the bed. The room was instantly hit by a wave of frenzied activity. The paramedics were shouting medical jargons to each other as they assessed their patient’s condition.

“What happened?”

As a leader, Shownu felt like it was his responsibility to answer the question, but unfortunately, he had no clue.

“He’s been sick,” I.M stepped in to answer, momentarily getting distracted when he saw the paramedic cut open the front of Kihyun’s shirt with practiced speed and precision.

“Sick, how?” The attending paramedic inquired as he continued to work, taking the stethoscope and placing it on Kihyun’s now exposed chest, listening intently to his heart and lungs.

“I-I’m not s-sure…he was throwing up earlier. And he… fainted.” The youngest of the group wanted to tear his gaze away, but couldn’t. He watched anxiously as the paramedic slipped an oxygen mask over Kihyun’s slack face.

A tear pricked at his eyes as he realized the severity of the situation. The paramedic’s expression was hard to read, but the urgency in his voice and actions suggested that things were not good.

“When did it start?”

“Not… sure, but he had been fine until today…”

The paramedic didn’t seem to be satisfied with the answer, but he didn’t say anything. “He’s running quite a temperature and he’s dehydrated. His vitals’ circling, we need to get him transported right now.” 

 

 

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It was past two in the morning when the boys and their manager came rushing through the main doors of the hospital. When they arrived, there was still no news on Kihyun’s condition, they were told to wait until the doctor in charge comes out to talk to them. So, they reluctantly did.

It was hard to believe that just a few hours ago, they were all sitting comfortably in their living room relaxing, enjoying their free time as they should, and now they were seated on the uncomfortable chair of the hospital waiting area, the atmosphere tense and somber.

Shownu felt bad. Not just for Kihyun, but also for the rest of the members. They each looked evidently worn out and tired, their eyes red and puffy from crying. He wished that he could do something to ease the other member’s distress, but there was nothing he could possibly do other than to reassure them that Kihyun was going to be alright.

After what it seemed like an eternity, a haggard but kind looking doctor finally made an appearance. “Gentlemen… sorry to keep you waiting…” The seasoned doctor apologized, knowing it must have been a long, frustrating wait for the boys. He also noticed that a few of them had already succumbed into a fitful sleep on the waiting bench.

Shownu, Jooheon, I.M and their manager shot up from their seats almost in unison. “How is he? Is he okay?” I.M asked before anyone else could, desperately needing to know.

The doctor gave a small nod, fully understanding the concern. “I’m Kang Sangmoo, and I am Yoo Kihyun’s attending doctor. Sorry that we have to meet under this unfortunate circumstance.” He stretched out an arm and offered a handshake to each one of them.

“Yoon Hongsik-sshi?” The doctor looked up to see who the name belonged to.

“Yes, that’s me… I’m his manager”

“I see.” He nodded, “If you would follow me to my office so I could talk to you regarding Kihyun-sshi's condition?”

The doctor was going to talk to their manager privately and the boys were about to protest. But their beloved manager was quick to respond. “No, you can tell me everything here. They have the right to know as much as everyone else on his emergency list.”

Years of experience as a doctor, Dr.Kang knew too well that it would be a fruitless attempt and a waste of time to convince them otherwise. “Very well then…” The doctor relented without even trying. “Please have a seat…”  The grey-haired doctor motioned for them to sit down, he himself settling onto one of the chairs.

 

“First of all, Kihyun-sshi is stable for the time being.”

_For the time being? What the hell was that supposed to mean?_

“When did he first become sick?” The doctor’s eyes tensed a little as he looked at each young man, waiting for an honest answer.

“He had been tired… but all of us were. We just ended our world tour concert. Other than that he seemed fine…” He knew that wasn’t the answer that the doctor needed, but he felt like it needed to be clarified. Shownu hung his head in guilt. Looking back, he really hadn’t notice if there was anything wrong with the vocalist.

“He seemed a little pale this morning, but he didn’t mention anything about not feeling well” The manager added.

The doctor was perturbed by their answers, but he didn’t show it. How could they have not noticed anything was wrong? Was his patient that good at covering up his pain? The boy had to be in absolute agony all that time, and none of his band members noticed? Not even his manager? The doctor felt rather disturbed by the revelation, but he knew that it wasn’t his place to judge them.

A long sigh escaped the doctor’s lips before he continued. “His appendix has ruptured, he should have gotten to the hospital sooner to have it dealt with. If he didn’t get to the hospital when he did, he could have died.”

Learning that they had almost lost their friend, the boys couldn’t find words to form any sort of reply. They were shocked. They never had to deal with anything at this scale before, so they didn’t really know how to handle the news.

“He was in such a bad shape when he was brought in, we almost lost him a few times.  We had to perform an emergency surgery to fix the situation. Despite his already much-weakened state, the surgery went without any complications. But we still need to monitor his condition closely. The next few days would be extremely critical for his recovery.”

Jooheon sat there dumbfounded. The only words that his brain seemed to focus on were; _complications, weakened state, extremely critical, he could have died…._ “I thought… I thought people get this appendix thing all the time…? You just get it out, bed rest for a couple of days, and then you’re done.”

The doctor nodded. “Yes, that’s correct. When it’s caught and dealt with in time. But that’s clearly not the case for your friend, Kihyun-sshi.” The doctor said bluntly. “Kihyun-sshi went on for quite some time without any treatment. As you all know, his fever was through the roof, that’s a sign that infection had set in. “

The doctor studied the faces of the young men before him, he knew that they were not taking the news well; which was completely understandable.

“Look, we’ve already got him on full spectrums of antibiotics. He’s being monitored very closely. Barring any complications, he’d make a full recovery.”

Once again, the negative words stood out more for the young rapper. “Complications? What kind of complications?” Jooheon asked, befuddled.

“There are two major complications that usually comes with this case. The first complication is if his fever stays dangerously high. The second complication is, if the infection doesn’t go away, then he’d be at risk of septic shock. Which could lead to organ failure, and then eventually…”

“Death…” Jooheon muttered under his breath, his lips left agape at the thought.

“Come on, now. How about we focus on his recovery first?” The doctor offered some encouragement. Dr.Kang understood that in trying times such as these, not only the patients needed to be encouraged with positivity, family, friends, and people around them needs support and encouragements too.

“Listen, all of you look beat, go home and get some rest. There’s truly no use for you to be here. The visiting hours' not until noon, you’re just really wasting your time here and risking yourselves unnecessary bodily stress. Look at your friends..." the doctor motioned towards the sleeping bunch "they’re sleeping uncomfortably like that, that can’t be good. So go home, get a good sleep and come back fresh tomorrow on visiting hours. Your friend is in good hands now.” He assured, voice steady and confident.

They didn’t want to leave at first, fearing that if they did, they wouldn’t be around if and when Kihyun needed them. But after deliberating and thinking their options through, they agreed that they would be of no use if another one of them falls sick from all the physical stress. Begrudgingly, they left the hospital with the promise to come back as soon as they could.

 

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_Kihyun felt as though he was floating. He floated between consciousness and unconsciousness, between dream and reality. He could hear voices around him as he floated between the layers of consciousness, his name being called from time to time, but he couldn’t seem to break to the surface to respond to any of it. Maybe he didn’t need to break to the surface. He liked it there. He was weightless, no burden on his shoulders to carry. For the longest time, he felt… free. He’d be perfectly fine if he could remain in that state forever. He just wanted to drift along in that state. Drifting without any stress and worry, drifting without any pain and heartache. It was perfect._

 

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Shownu, Minhyuk, Jooheon, and I.M stood in front of the closed door leading into Kihyun’s room, looking at each other apprehensively, none of them knew fully what to expect once they stepped into the room. As much as they wanted to see Kihyun, they didn’t know how to face the guilt of seeing him in such a vulnerable condition. Forcing away all of the uncertainties, Shownu pushed open the door slowly and stepped in, his eyes darting around the room, taking in the environment.

The room was rather spacious. It was a private room, efforts had clearly been made by the hospital management to make the room look more of a three-star hotel room and less of a dull, stress-inducing hospital room.

They inched forward soundlessly, fearing that they would disturb or wake Kihyun up if he was asleep.

Kihyun looked so small, so thin and so frail. He lay there unmoving, looking really pale despite the rosy hue lining his cheeks as a result of the unabated fever. An oxygen tube tucked under his nose and an IV tube ran into the back of his hand, feeding his body with much-needed antibiotics. There were multiple wires running under the neckline of his hospital gown. A muted beeping noise emanated from the heart monitor standing beside his bed, capturing every single electrical signal from his heart. The scene was rather overwhelming for the boy to digest.

Jooheon felt as though the air had frozen around him. He could no longer make another step forward; it felt like his feet were set in the cement. He didn’t know how to deal with Kihyun’s appearance and his current condition. The rapper shook his head and muttered under his breath “I can’t do this!” and abruptly turned his heels towards the door and left. The move momentarily startled the other three, but they didn’t make any effort to stop him from leaving. They'd have to deal with Jooheon later.

Their efforts at stealth were impeded. Kihyun turned his head, eyes cracked opened and looking tiredly at his visitors.

 “Hey…” The vocalist smiled weakly. His voice was quiet, they could barely hear him.

They weren’t expecting Kihyun to be awake, so they weren’t entirely prepared on how they should act.

“Hey!” Shownu and Minhyuk awkwardly replied at once, making a b-line to the side of Kihyun’s bed to get closer.

“Hey back at you, Kihyun-hyung! How are you feeling? “ I.M asked, almost sounding too cheerful. He didn’t like seeing Kihyun there in the hospital bed, but he was really glad to see that he was conscious and talking. He had imagined it to be worse, so this had relieved him greatly.

“’M alright… just a little tired…” Kihyun replied, indisputably downplaying his true feelings. He wasn’t alright. His head hurts, fatigue was eating at his body and he felt uncomfortably way too warm in his own skin.

“You should have gone to the doctor the moment you felt unwell, Ki!” Minhyuk said sternly, confident that if he did, this could all have been avoided. “Now look where it got you…”

“Yeah…” Kihyun breathed out dejectedly. He let his eyes drift closed for a moment. Minhyuk wasn’t trying to be mean, but it struck painfully at Kihyun. He felt like a burden. If he hadn’t landed himself in the hospital, the rest of the members could be enjoying their off day instead of wasting their time at the hospital to see him.

Noticing the flicker of hurt in Kihyun’s tone, Shownu tried to stir the conversation in a different direction. “Wonho and Hyungwon will be here later, they just texted us. We couldn’t wake them up this morning, so we gave up and left without them. You know how it is, with Hyungwon especially.” A nervous laugh escaped from the leader’s lips as he tried to lighten up the mood.

Kihyun only smiled at that.

“Hongsik-hyung will come later too! He had to run some errands.” Minhyuk added.

“Anyways, rest easy, you needed it. Don’t worry about anything, just worry about getting better! And you will get better soon!” I.M chimed, knowing that the older boy could use some words of encouragement.

 _Don’t worry about anything?_ He could already imagine the whirlwind of inconvenience that he already created just by being sick.

Kihyun let out a breathless laugh. “Boss is going to flip out about this…”

“Aw come on, Kihyun,” Shownu said. “This isn’t your fault.”

It was supposed to be comforting to hear that, but Kihyun knew damned well that it was his fault. It was his fault that he didn’t get it checked when it all started, it was going to be his fault if the company faces any losses due to his absence, and it was definitely his fault that he had gotten this sick and creating unnecessary inconvenience for everyone around him.

The expression on Kihyun’s face said it all. He was blaming himself for everything that had happened. “Seriously Kihyun, how could you have possibly known that your appendix was going to act up.”

“I should have said something right away to Hongsik-hyung when I heard you throw up in the restroom after the interview yesterday.”

“’S not your fault KKukkungie… “Kihyun assured the youngest.

“If I had known, I would have nagged at you all the way to the hospital and get yourself checked. This totally could have been avoided.” Minhyuk went on flippantly. There was truly no malicious intent in his word. Minhyuk was just being Minhyuk, despite having a cuddly and bright personality, the words that come out of his mouth were usually unfiltered and unrestrained. What he truly meant was that if he had known, he would have never let his friend suffer to that extent.

But Kihyun didn’t take it as that. After what he had heard yesterday in the dorm, he felt like nobody really liked him, they only had to tolerate him because he was in the group.

Shownu and I.M knew that Minhyuk didn’t mean any harm. But they also knew that his words could be perceived differently. Sometimes they wished that Minhyuk knew how to tone it down just a little bit. Kihyun was in no condition to deal with careless words. Shownu once again shifted the conversation away. “I think you should get some rest now…you just had a surgery a few hours ago, you need to take it easy…”

Kihyun nodded weakly, he seemed winded and distracted. “Can’t really feel anything…anesthesia still working its’ magic…I guess…”

“Good then!” You should get some more sleep while it's still in your system. Wonho and Hyungwon are coming on the next visiting hours, so you’ll have plenty of time to rest before they come.”

Sleep doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Kihyun was feeling increasingly tired even though he was in no way exerting himself. He felt weird, a little disconnected, even.

“By the way… my mom... does she know?” He asked, voice barely audible.

“We haven’t been able to contact her…we tried all morning but we couldn’t seem to get through.”

 Kihyun was somewhat relieved to know that. He didn’t want his mother to worry about him any more than she already has. She was constantly telling him to take care of himself and would always cry whenever she thinks her son was overworking himself. What would her reaction be if she found out? Kihyun didn’t even want to imagine it.

“If she hasn’t found out… could you please not tell her? I mean… it’s a small surgery, it’s not a big deal… appendicitis is pretty common.” He paused for a breath before continuing. “I only got this way because I didn’t get it treated sooner…. When my fever abates, I’ll be good to leave… they told me they’re keeping me here only to monitor my temperature…” He had to really force himself to focus on what he was saying.

None of them agreed to Kihyun's request, but all three of them nodded in order to appease their sick friend.

Kihyun smiled faintly in appreciation. He stayed silent, appearing to be in a deep thought. There was something that he wanted to ask earlier, but didn’t. Shownu, Minhyuk, and I.M were here right before him, Wonho, Hyungwon, and Hongsik-hyung are coming later, so where was Jooheon? _Wow, he must have really hated me._

Shownu was fully aware that Kihyun was getting sluggish and more detached as time went by. The drugs he was put on, coupled with his recovering body would cause that, he was told. As much as he wanted to be by his friend’s side, he didn’t want to hinder his recovery progress, either. Having the ever-so-talkative Minhyuk around a sick Kihyun was definitely not a good idea too.

“Get some sleep Kihyun, I think I’ll come back later too.” Shownu cautiously gave Kihyun a small pat on his arm, afraid that he would break his already fragile friend.

“Yeah, Ki. You need to get better soon, so get some sleep and be a good boy until we come back.” Minhyuk quipped and I.M nodded in agreement despite not wanting to leave.

Kihyun hates having to admit weakness. But he was so tired that he accepted the suggestion without hesitation. He was too tired to stay awake and keep the conversation running anyway.  He nodded distantly and let his eyes fall shut. Feeling both physically and mentally exhausted, he allowed himself to sink into sluggishness and he gradually floated into the land of sleep. Even before his friends made their leave, Kihyun was already deep in between the layers of sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you for the kudos and the comments! Also, of course, thank you for taking your time to read this story.  
> This chapter was quite hard to complete. Not sure why. I keep changing things and end up not being satisfied with it. So it took longer than I originally planned.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!


	5. Desolation.

 

  

 

Wonho sat hunched over on the edge of his bed, his elbows resting on his knees and his head cradled between his hands. The dorm was empty and quiet. There was a strange heavy feeling in the air.

“You know…” Wonho mumbled out in a low voice, his eyes staring straight into nothing in particular.

Hyungwon cocked his head, pausing mid-action when he heard Wonho’s unfinished sentence.

“I still can’t get over it… we could have had lost him...” He sniffed, eyes welling up with tears as events from the night flooded his mind. “We could still… lose him…” As tough as Wonho seemed to appear on the outside physically, he really was a soft-hearted sensitive guy on the inside. Tears come easily for him, Wonho does not have walls put up to hold back his emotions.

Hyungwon felt the exact same way, but he was able to keep his emotions somewhat together. Inching closer, he placed a firm hand on his friend’s shoulder, “He’ll be okay… this is Kihyun we’re talking about here. He has a lot of strength in that tiny body of his. We all know that. If we learned anything about him throughout these years, is not to underestimate him. He’s not going to let an appendix bring him down.” It was his lame attempt at lightening the sullen mood, but he truly believed that Kihyun was going to be alright and they shouldn’t be thinking so negatively of the situation.

Wonho spluttered a small laugh and sniffed, wiping away the silent tear that rolled down with the back of his hand. “Yeah… you’re right… his stubborn ass won’t let something like that bring him down. He’s too prideful for that.” The older of the two took comfort in that statement. Kihyun is one of the strongest people he knew.

Seeing a little light seeping back into the older boy’s eyes, Hyungwon smiled at his successful attempt to somewhat comfort the other. In a way, he had comforted himself in the process as well.

“You’re done getting ready though?” The tall boy fished his phone out of his pocket and looked at the time. “Hongsik-hyung is going to get here anytime soon… “

Wonho sniffed and let out a heavy sigh, “yeah… physically, I’m ready… not sure if I am emotionally ready, though.” He admitted, letting out a half-suppressed laugh.

 

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The boys regrouped for a late lunch at the company’s headquarters. A hearty delicious feast was ordered and delivered but none of them were really in the mood to enjoy their food. Their usual upbeat and bright personalities were dampened by concern caused by the current situation. As they ate in silence, their manager had advised them on how to manage the situation on a professional level and the CEO of their company briefed them with instructions and decisions regarding the matter at hand.

After the impromptu meeting, the boys were let off to resume their day. Shownu and I.M decided to join Wonho and Hyungwon to visit Kihyun at the hospital. As much as Minhyuk wanted to tag along, he wasn’t able to bail out on the plan that he had originally made with his parents. Jooheon too, had somewhere else he needed to be, but he had tentatively promised that he would come later on if time permits.

 

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Kihyun woke up to the hushed movements made by the nurse as she checked on his vitals. When the nurse noticed that he was awake, she kindly greeted him and apologized if her presence had woken him up from his slumber. Kihyun gave a small smile in return and mouthed “ _it’s okay”_ to the nurse. With bleary eyes, he watched her continue her tasks; adjusting his IVs, checking on the surgical incision and jotting down notes on the clipboard as she observed the patterns on the heart monitor. Setting the clipboard aside, she turned to him and offered a soft smile. “Your fever’s still quite high, dear… hopefully, we can get that down soon, yeah?”

The nurse was probably in her mid-forties, with kind motherly features and a soothing voice. Her demeanor somehow offered Kihyun some sense of comfort. “Now, let’s see how your blood pressure is doing.” She pulled the blood pressure cuff over and wrapped it securely around his upper arm and listened with the stethoscope after releasing the pump. When she saw the reading, a slight frown briefly creased her features. “Your blood pressure is still quite low… that needs to be looked at too.” She commented casually, noting down the rest of her findings on the clipboard.

The whole time she was moving around him, Kihyun watched her inquisitively.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, breaking the silence.

“Uh… I feel fine… just want to be out of here as soon as possible…” He half lied. He did want to leave the hospital as soon as possible, but in no way, he was even remotely feeling fine. Sleep hadn’t helped at all apparently, he felt even more lethargic than before. The constant dull throbbing in his head hadn’t let up, either.

The experienced nurse knew that her patient was not being upfront with how he was feeling, but she decided to let it be at that. She smiled and gave a small pat on his arm and continued to do what she was supposed to.

A few moments had passed when the door eased open, pulling both Kihyun’s and the nurse’s attention towards it. A head peeked through the opening of the door, looking inside.

“Oh, look like you have visitors!” She announced delightedly from where she was standing. “Come in, come in, I’m almost done with my round. You can have him all for yourselves in a bit.”

The door opened wider and Shownu stepped in, followed closely by Wonho, I.M, and Hyungwon. They greeted the nurse with a bow and gingerly moved closer to the side of Kihyun’s bed.

“Hey! How you’re feeling? Wonho reached over and placed a hand on Kihyun's upper arm and gave it a gentle pat. He inwardly frowned at how warm his friend’s skin felt even from the brief contact.

“Yeah, how are you feeling?” Hyungwon chimed in before Kihyun could even open his mouth to answer Wonho. Even though Kihyun looked uncharacteristically weak and pale, the level of concern that Hyungwon had earlier lessen considerably after seeing that his friend was conscious and alert. “You gave us quite a scare last night!” He admitted, patting his friend lightly on the knee.

To be completely honest, Kihyun was tired of the same question over and over again. He had lost count on how many times he was asked that very same question since he woke up that morning.

“I feel fine, just a little headache…” The vocalist wasn’t planning to share with everyone what he was actually feeling.

“If your fever goes down a little, you’ll feel a lot better…” The nurse interjected as she inched closer towards her patient’s bed. All five heads turned to the nurse who was working in the background. “I’m going to need some blood sample…” She said, sounding almost apologetic. Pushing up and securing the sleeve out of the way, she eyed for a visible and clear vein. While doing so, she couldn’t help but notice how thin and frail looking Kihyun’s arm looked. _Jeez, kids these days, working themselves to the bone._ She mused to herself. Satisfied with the selected venepuncture site, the nurse skilfully placed an elastic band around Kihyun’s arm. Making sure that the tourniquet wasn’t tied too tightly, she pulled on a pair of gloves and felt for a vein. “I will need you to clench your hand into a fist for me, sweetie.” She instructed as she cleanses the area with antiseptic, and Kihyun did as he was told.

“If you’re squeamish, please turn away for a moment.” She advised, looking up at the four young men standing on the other side of the bed. All four boys were transfixed with what was going right in front of them. Their eyes followed the nurse’s each and every moves.

Kihyun’s face contorted into a grimace when the needle pierced the skin at the crook of his arm. Just like the other four, Kihyun can’t help but have his eyes fixed on the syringe as blood filled up the vial.

I.M gulped, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in his throat. _That was a lot of blood to take just for a blood test!_ He thought to himself, eyes sweeping over Kihyun, watching to see if the vocalist had the same reaction as he did after three vials of blood was filled.

Once the blood was collected the nurse withdrew the needle from Kihyun’s vein. “There we go, we’re done!” The nurse quipped, pressing a sterile gauze at the punctured area with one hand while removing the tourniquet with her other hand. She then proceeded to gather her things, packing them up so she could leave the room.

“He’s all yours! But don’t wear him out.” She jokingly warned them with a smile as she strode towards the door to let herself out of the room. The boys collectively thanked the nurse for her hard work and turned back their attention to their sick friend.

With the nurse gone from the room, the boys felt a little more comfortable to move around and do as they pleased. Hyungwon immediately found himself a seat on the opposite side of the bed while Shownu made himself comfortable on the loveseat. Wonho settled on the other vacant chair next to the bed and I.M opted to sit on the edge of the bed by Kihyun’s leg.

Wonho reached out to place a hand on Kihyun’s forehead, causing the younger boy to instinctively tensed up and flinch away slightly from the touch. “Wow, you’re really warm… the nurse wasn’t exaggerating when she said you’d feel better if your temperature was lower…“ He sighed, concern written all over his face.

Kihyun wasn’t used to being the one in this situation, so having the others hovering over him made him feel a little strange. He pulled away slightly, not wanting to be touched. He just wanted everyone to stop fussing over how high his temperature was.

“Soo…It’s your day off… how come you’re not out doing stuff… or resting…?” He couldn’t help but notice that the others were obviously in a state of unrest.

“We did rest…we didn’t really have anything else planned unlike Minhyuk and Jooheon, so we came here to make sure you didn’t get yourself into any more trouble,” Hyungwon replied playfully with a big lazy smile on his face.

“I’m okay…” he said, after a moment. “You guys should stop worrying…too much… I’ll be fine…”  He tried to sit up a little further against the pillows in an attempt to convince the others that he was fine. The movement sent a flare of dull aches coursing throughout his entire ailing body. He bit back a whimper, hoping that the act of discomfort had gone unnoticed.

Despite feeling seriously unwell, Kihyun couldn’t help but agonize over their remaining schedules in days to come. “What’s going to happen to our schedules...?” The vocalist asked, voice just above a whisper and laden with guilt. His eyes remained downcast, not able to look up to the others, knowing full well that whatever it was, he had already caused inconvenience to the group.

“You shouldn’t worry too much about the schedules, Kihyun. The management already figured everything out. You can sit out on the schedules until you’re well enough. Focus on getting better first.” The leader spoke from where he was sitting, assuring the vocalist that he shouldn’t get too worked up about getting back to work.

Kihyun hates having to sit out on a schedule. He hates the feeling of not being able to carry out his job accordingly. He hates feeling weak and helpless.

“Don’t worry hyung, at least we’re not going to Japan without you! They canceled our fan meeting in Japan. There’s no way that we could proceed without you.” I.M added, as much as he wanted to meet their fans in Japan, it wouldn’t be right to forge ahead with the fan meeting while a member is missing from the line-up. It sucked that they had to cancel on their fans, but on the bright side of it, the whole group would have the opportunity to rest.

While most of the members were okay with the decision, Wonho saw it differently. There was no denying that he had been looking forward to seeing their fans in Japan since the event was announced. The fans had been anticipating it too. In Wonho’s mind, the group had disappointed their Japanese fans with the decision made. He knew he shouldn’t blame it on Kihyun, but he couldn’t help but feel frustrated.

“Wonho started with a heavy sigh, “Man, if only you hadn’t gotten yourself stuck in the hospital, we’d probably still be going to Japan… the Japanese Monbebes were so excited when the date was announced. And I’ve been dreaming of going to go back to that ramen place for ages…” He lamented.

“Sorry, for destroying your plans…” 

“It’s not about **my** plans. It’s about everyone’s plans! Our fans’, the organizers’, the company’s. It’s about everyone else’s’ plans too.” He didn’t know why he was suddenly on the defensive. “What I’m saying is, if you didn’t get this sick, we wouldn’t have to disappoint hundreds of our fans, and we could have totally avoided all of this mess. On our day off, on top of that!.”

That was a low blow. Wonho realized it immediately as soon as the words rolled out of his tongue.

Kihyun’s eyes flashed with hurt and he visibly flinched from the impact of Wonho’s words. He already figured that it was his fault that he had landed himself in the hospital but he didn’t choose any of this. He didn’t want any of this. On a normal day, Kihyun would disregard Wonho’s snide remarks and playful quips knowing it was all done light-heartedly. But today Wonho’s accusing words tore into his soul.

I.M let out a long, drawn-out sigh. He understood Wonho’s frustration, but he didn’t feel that the older boy’s words were necessary especially at times such as this. _Can we not do this?_ The youngest turned to look at Hyungwon and Shownu, silently pleading for any of them to help de-escalate the situation.

“Y-yeah… because… I really enjoy being here in the hospital, right? Stuck to all of these things on me, turning into a human pin-cushion…” The vocalist’s voice wavered a little. Suddenly he felt as if the room had become twice warmer and the steady dull pounding in his head had increased in volume. In spite of having the aid of the oxygen tube, he just couldn’t seem to get enough air into his lungs. Kihyun closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the need to regulate his breaths and calm his pounding heart.

Noticing Kihyun’s distress, Shownu was about to intervene and stop Wonho from saying anything more but then he saw guilt etched across his features.

Biting his lower lip, Wonho knew this was not how he wanted things to unfold.  “Come on, Kihyun… you know that’s not what I meant…” _It’s not your fault you got sick._ His voice pitched low and his tone soft, “Look, I know you don’t enjoy this… I’m not saying you do, and I didn’t mean for it to sound like you’re doing it on purpose like you wanted for this to happen.” Wonho hadn’t meant it, not like that anyway. Yes, he was a little displeased that the fan meeting had to be canceled, but it was mainly the thought of almost losing Kihyun that got him riled up and frustrated.

His eyes stung with unshed tears. “Yeah…” Kihyun rasped a short reply. He didn’t know what else to say. Wonho explained that he hadn’t meant it, but why does it feel like he had a gaping hole in his heart still? At this point, Kihyun had unconsciously made peace with the fact that the other members saw him as nothing but a nagging annoying burden.

I.M let out a breath that he didn’t even realize he was holding. He was just glad that Wonho had diffused the situation right away and did not prolong the tension.

Hyungwon cleared his throat, breaking the brief, but awkward silence. “But seriously, Kihyun-hyung… take your time… get better… we’ll be fine, you shouldn’t worry about us and…” he paused in the middle of his sentence, sounding as if he was about to say more. But a few moments passed and he never did continue his sentence, instead, he gave Kihyun a gentle pat on his arm and nodded wordlessly.

“Hmm… sure... things are better without me around…anyways… no nagging… all of you could live… in peace… right? The vocalist tried to sound unhurt, he kept his tone as light as possible. “I won’t be annoying any of you ‘nemore... if I’m not around… wouldn’t it be better…?” Kihyun leaned more into the pillows in a fruitless attempt to let his body relax. Exhaustion was getting to him.

The tallest of the group was caught off-guard. Confused as to why Kihyun had suddenly brought such things up. He let out a nervous laugh before answering, “What are you talking about, of course not!” Truthfully, Hyungwon could never imagine their lives without Kihyun around.

While the others were oblivious, I.M caught on it right away. A silent gasp escaped his lips and his eyes widened. _Oh god, Kihyun heard them last night…. It couldn’t be…_ I.M shifted nervously, eyes fixed on Kihyun as he tried to read the older boy’s expression. Despite his suspicion, he really hoped that Kihyun hadn’t heard them. There were too many meaningless but mean and thoughtless things were said about the vocalist. He hadn’t said anything, but his drunken hyungs might have run their mouth a little bit too much.

 

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The conversations in the room were kept in a hushed voice and suppressed laughter. Kihyun had drifted into a drug and fever induced sleep at some point. His attending doctor; Dr.Kang, had come in to personally have a look at his patient.

“Hello, again boys…!” The doctor greeted the boys with a warm smile as he strode closer towards Kihyun’s bed and retrieved his patient’s chart, he studied it intently for a few moments before putting the chart back to its proper position.

“How’s he doing?” Wonho asked eagerly, expecting some good news from the doctor.

The grey-haired doctor let out a heavy sigh as he continued to examine his patient. “Not as good as I have hoped.” His answer was honest and to the point. “How the heck did this kid’s temperature manage to climb so quickly in the span of two hours?” Dr.Kang thought to himself loudly as he continued to check on Kihyun’s blood pressure.

Without pausing even for a beat, the doctor continued to work around his unmoving patient. He gently pushed Kihyun’s top upwards a little, exposing his abdomen and a little bit of his chest.

All four boys winced and grimaced at the sight of the freshly incised wound.

While his trained eyes checked on the surgical incision for any signs of infection, his skilled ears listened intently to Kihyun’s heart and lungs with the stethoscope. The doctor’s frown deepened, and he muttered words of curse under his breath. He couldn’t believe how fast Kihyun’s condition had deteriorated from when the nurse last made her round less than two hours ago.

 

Solely from his observation, Dr.Kang didn’t need for Kihyun’s bloodwork to come back from the lab to know what was going on.

 

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Dr.Kang had offered nothing more on Kihyun’s condition. He did mention that the ruptured appendix had caused an infection and Kihyun’s body was too weak to fight it. They tried to pry more answers from the doctor, but instead, they were kindly escorted out of the room. The doctor promised that they would start with aggressive treatments of antibiotics to try and combat the infection. Despite his concern, he assured the boys that with proper treatment, Kihyun would be able to overcome the infection.

At some point, while they were standing outside the door of Kihyun’s room, Jooheon finally made an appearance. He had finally gathered enough strength to see Kihyun, but instead, he was faced with some unfortunate news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still around reading this story, hello and thank you! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. :)


	6. Despondent.

 

 

Despite the plethora of heavy medications pumping intravenously through his system, the fever ravaging Kihyun’s body refused to relent. His temperature had steadily climbed dangerously throughout the night. Although it had gone down slightly in the morning, his fever remained at a concerning level.

If Kihyun had hoped to leave the hospital anytime soon, today was definitely not going to be the day. He had woken up in cold sweat, shivers racking his body and waves of nausea assaulting his senses. He spent the early hours of the morning throwing up and drifting in and out of a fitful doze. His head hurt, he was exhausted and breathless as if he had been running a marathon. By mid-morning, his coherency had grown further and further apart.

The attending nurse had taken sympathy on the young patient and received a go-ahead from Dr.Kang to administer Kihyun with mild sedatives so he could at least get a decent rest. So when the visiting hours rolled in at noon, Kihyun was asleep, his body finally succumbed to pain and exhaustion.

 

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It would be their last day off for a while, so the boys had no choice but to do everything that they needed to do on that very day before getting back to their demanding schedules. Despite being limited on time, they had all agreed to meet up at the hospital to visit Kihyun later on that day before the visiting hour's end.

Jooheon however, didn’t have much planned for the day. He had originally planned on getting some music done at the studio, but he realized rather quickly that he was struggling to get anything done with everything that was going on around him. Knowing full well that he wasn’t going to produce anything worthwhile even if he tried, he contemplated what to do next; and he tentatively considered on the idea of going to the hospital.

It would be some time before the rest of the members would all meet up at the hospital, but Jooheon figured that it would probably be a good idea if he had gone first; maybe have some alone time with the older boy. Not wanting to ponder too much on his decision, he left the studio and found himself in a taxi heading to the hospital.

When Jooheon approached Kihyun’s room, he stopped for a brief moment, summoning the courage to make another step forward and not turn away like he had done the first time. Another step forward and he pushed the door open to let himself in.

Treading quietly into the room, he sucked in a breath upon seeing the state Kihyun was in. For a split second, he wasn’t sure anymore if he could make another step closer towards the prone figure lying on the hospital bed.

The fever had not been kind to Kihyun. The normally healthy glow of his skin was gone, replaced by a pallid, sickly complexion. His face seemed sunken, dark smudges underlined his eyes and his cheeks blushed with the flush of fever. There were more wires and tubes snaking in and out of his body compared to the day before. Even though he was laying there unmoving, eyes closed, he didn’t seem to appear restful. In short, Kihyun didn’t look good at all.

Jooheon took a deep faltering breath and willed himself to inch closer to the seemingly sleeping vocalist. He grabbed the chair and moved it over to position it next to Kihyun’s side. Easing himself into the seat, he placed a hand on top of the older boy’s limp hand. “Kihyun-hyung…” he called out quietly even though he wasn’t expecting for the older boy to respond.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t come to see you earlier…” He said sadly. “I know I should have… but…” He paused for a brief moment. “Well… I’m here now…”

There was so much more that he needed to apologize for. But he didn’t know how to go on about it. In all honesty, he didn’t even know how he had ended up getting so angry that night. Why had he even dragged the fight on to the next day? It wasn’t even a big deal. Maybe it was the stress and exhaustion from working non-stop for the past few months, but that wasn’t a good enough excuse for avoiding the older boy and refusing to talk to him that whole day. It wasn’t a good enough excuse to be going behind Kihyun’s back and discuss his dissatisfaction to the other members.

He didn’t know why he reacted the way he did, but he regretted it all.

If only he could turn back time and change everything, would they still be in this same situation?

The door behind him swung open and a nurse walked into the room, interrupting Jooheon’s moment of wistfulness.

“Sorry to interrupt, I’m just here to check on Kihyun-sshi real quick.” The petite nurse strode purposefully across the room, checked the chart, and then proceeded to check his body temperature and blood pressure. Despite all that, the vocalist showed no response.

“He had a bad morning… he was given mild sedatives so he could get some rest…” The nurse said in a gentle voice as she moved unhurriedly around the room, completing her round.

 _A bad morning?_ He felt his heart drop _._ It didn’t sound good and Jooheon honestly was too scared to even ask what she had meant by that.

“How is he doing now…?” The rapper timidly asked. Curious, but also scared of the answer he might receive.

“His fever’s still too high… hopefully, the strong cycle of antibiotics will do its job soon… other than that, he’s mostly resting…“  The nurse’s smile was wan and sympathetic.

“I hope so too…” He murmured softly, mostly to himself.

The nurse excused herself and left the room after she finished her round. Jooheon nodded in reply, watching wordlessly as she leaves and continued his vigil beside Kihyun’s bed.

He barely realized how much time had passed, but when he looked at his phone to check on the time, he saw a message from I.M;-

_“Hyung, are we still meeting up to go together to the hospital? I’m done with my stuff.”_

Jooheon sighed and pocketed his phone, he didn’t really want to leave but had already made a promise to I.M that they’d go the hospital together.

“Hyung, I’ll be back with the rest later okay, I promise.”

 

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He wasn’t quite awake, but he knew for sure that it was too hot. Far too hot for his liking. Kihyun felt as if his whole body was burning from the inside out and everything was hurting. He was drifting on the verge of consciousness. Besides the overwhelming heat, he became aware of the voices around him, a distant part of his mind thought that he recognized the voices. He could hear bits and pieces of the conversation, but the fog that seemed to have enveloped his being would not allow him to surface completely, so he lingered in that state between the edge of awareness and darkness.

Besides the sound of the heart monitor beeping quietly in the corner of the room, the silence in the room between the boys was awkward and uncomfortable. It was almost unbearable. Each of them seemed to be lost in their own thoughts and the silence was starting to get on Minhyuk’s nerves. The visual threw a quick glance towards the sleeping vocalist and sighed.

“I don’t know why he couldn’t just tell us that he was sick in the first place,”  Minhyuk stated dejectedly, somehow he was still unable to get over why Kihyun had kept it to himself. He simply believed that everything that happened was totally avoidable if it was dealt with in the first place.

 “Yeah, I just… don’t get it. He would make a big deal and exaggerate so much on such small things, like if he knocked his knee on the table leg or something, but he wouldn’t say anything about something like this…?” Hyungwon added.

Wonho nodded in agreement. “I noticed he was a bit off that day… but I thought he was just brooding. You know, over the little tiff we had in the kitchen the other night.

“I thought the same…” The leader chimed in, joining in the conversation. He did notice that Kihyun wasn’t being himself on the day they had the interview but he didn’t think that it was anything serious. He should have known better that Kihyun was never the type to brood over an argument. Sure, the vocalist would blow up in frustration from time to time, but usually, he would get over things pretty quickly after that.

I.M sat there with his jaw clenched tight, he could feel his frustration surging. He didn’t know how much more of it he could bear to listen at that point. He felt as if the older boys were directing all of the blame towards Kihyun.

“And even when Changkyun asked if he was okay, he said he was.” Maybe Minhyuk was just stating a fact, but in a way, he was also adding fuel to the fire.

“Minhyuk-ah… but you guys are roommates. Didn’t you notice at all that he wasn’t well?” Wonho turned to Minhyuk, his question sounded more like an accusation— and Minhyuk had perceived it as it was.

“I’m **not** the only one sharing the room with him if you hadn’t noticed.” Minhyuk countered, his brows pulled into a slight furrow.

At that very moment, Jooheon felt the heat thrown directly at him, he kept his gaze low, not daring to bring his eyes up to face the others. The second youngest of the group knew he had no right to defend himself. He realized that he was guilty. Unlike the others, he was actually ignoring and avoiding Kihyun on purpose. He had consciously made the decision to disregard the vocalist that day. And the worst thing about it was, he had noticed the paleness of Kihyun’s skin, the lack of enthusiasm in his voice. He had noticed it all, yet he had let his pride get the best of him.

The youngest of the group watched as the conversation between the older boys got heated. This was getting ridiculous.

“Will all of you stop? Just stop it!” I.M interrupted the brief silence before anyone else could say anything. “Maybe, if we all could just get our heads out of our asses for one minute.” He wasn’t planning on excluding himself from any blame. “Why can’t we all just admit it, that we fucked up real bad this time? That we should have said something, done something?” The youngest kept his voice low despite his frustration, but the anguish in each word said was loud and clear.

All five boys turned their attention on the youngest. The sudden outburst from the usually calm, collected and quiet maknae caught them off-guard. They had never seen their youngest this upset before. Shownu and Wonho both wore the same expression, their eyes wide and mouth agape. Minhyuk was taken aback too, he understood the truth in what was said, but he couldn’t help but feel a little disrespected by the youngest.

“Then why didn’t **_you_** say something? You knew he was throwing up after the interview, you saw him faint!” Minhyuk let his thought slip out in a string of words.

“I did! I told you guys that he was sick and what did you tell me? What did you say?” I.M roared, shooting a glare towards Hyungwon.” You said he was just trying to get attention from us because he was sulking. That’s what you said!”

I.M wasn’t free from any blame, he knew that and he had accepted his own fault readily. But this time he could no longer turn a blind eye to the older members’ ways either. Normally he would keep his thoughts to himself, but not this time. He had come too far, and he couldn’t back down.

“Now you think I’m the only one at fault because you’re all too damned blind to see what was going on under your noses? I know I’m at fault too, but at least I can admit it. Then you blame him because he somehow felt like he couldn’t come to any of us when he’s feeling vulnerable?” I.M paused and took a deep breath. He didn’t want his heated words to run away from him and make the situation worse than what it already was.

“We’re not blaming him for getting sick… it’s just that… if he didn’t feel well, then he should have said something. Maybe just… let go of the pride a little and just come out and say that he’s not feeling well… it’s not that hard. It’s a bit selfish of him to keep it from everyone.” Hyungwon tried to explain his stance on the situation. Kihyun’s decision to keep his illness to himself had almost costed his own life, and that did not sit well with Hyungwon at all.

I.M glared at Hyungwon, his emotions threatening to overwhelm him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, forcing his frustration to simmer down before deciding to say more.

“He told me not to tell anyone. He didn’t think it was something serious…  
so he didn’t want to have everyone else worrying over it. He told me that he’d see the doctor if he didn’t feel better by the next day… but then, he never got the chance to…”  Images from the night when Kihyun was found unresponsive on the bathroom floor assaulted his mind. He could feel that his eyes were starting to well up and I.M turned his gaze downwards, avoiding the gaze of the others

“He’s blaming himself for what happened. He’s blaming himself for getting sick, he thinks he’s a burden to us and he thinks we would be happier without him around…”

“Why in the world would he even think that…?” Shownu finally spoke up. Confusion etched on his face.

“Although I'm not a hundred percent sure, but I think he heard us… that night… when we were talking about him… I don’t know if you remembered what you said that night. But you guys were being pretty mean drunks…” The words were mostly directed towards Wonho, Minhyuk, Hyungwon, and Jooheon.

Wonho sighed loudly and cursed under his breath, he was quite tipsy that night but he remembered the conversation clearly. Deep in his soul, he knew that they were just meaningless rants, but he could only imagine what Kihyun must have felt if he really had heard them. Drunken meaningless rant or not, he could see now how unfair it would have been to Kihyun. He could only hope that I.M was wrong about it.

A tidal wave of guilt crashed mercilessly into Jooheon. He was the one who started it all. He didn’t mean it, he really didn’t. He was just irrationally frustrated with the vocalist over something so stupid. He was just blowing off some steam; he really didn’t have any malicious intent behind it.

Shownu cleared his throat, he shouldn’t have let the conversation lasted as long as it had. Though he felt that the conversation was needed, it shouldn’t have happened there, not in Kihyun’s hospital room. It definitely needed to be addressed, but right now, it was just not the place and time for it.

“Okay… everyone let’s just leave this matter here for now. We’ll talk about this when we get back to the dorm. We’re here to see Kihyun, not to argue and blame each other while he’s resting right over there.” He realized that he should have intervened earlier, but when emotions run high, it was almost impossible to put it to a stop.

The room fell silent, even though they couldn’t be sure that Kihyun had heard them that night, the possibility itself had left each and every one of them speechless.

While the boys were too caught up in their own emotions, none of them were aware of the change that was happening behind them. While the occupant of the bed lay still as he did when they first came in, the slow but consistent blips on the heart monitor had changed significantly, as it beeped along with the now unsteady, irregular blips of his heartbeat.

 

 _Kihyun didn’t know how long he had stayed in that fog, but the voices around him_ _were too clear for him to ignore. He could hear everything-- word by word. Kihyun wanted to scream_ _and tell them to stop fighting each other, stop blaming each other. He wanted to tell them that he was sorry. Sorry for being the reason that they were all now fighting, sorry for being a burden, sorry for creating this whole mess in the first place. He wanted to tell them that it was nobody’s fault that he got sick. It was his fault. Everything was his fault. His mind was disconnected from the rest of his body. He wanted to open his eyes, his mouth, but the fog held him back and his body wouldn’t obey him._

 

 

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When the nurse entered the room for her evening round, the boys were all still sitting in the room in silence. They watched dumbly as the nurse moved around their friend, checking his vitals and jotting it all down on the clipboard. Immediately after placing the clipboard back in its place, the nurse exited the room without a word.

The boys did find it a little strange that the nurse seemed to rush her round, but made nothing of it. Minhyuk was about to comment on the nurse’s bedside manner but was interrupted by the door swinging open and Dr.Kang strode into the room with the nurse from earlier in tow.

The middle-aged doctor greeted the boys with a small bow and proceeded to probe his patient. Usually, he would ask for the visitors to leave the room while he examines his patients, but withKihyun’s loyal visitors, he bent his own rules a little. As long as they weren’t being disruptive, he didn’t mind them.

All six pairs of curious eyes followed the doctor’s movements. The doctor repeated some of the steps that the nurse did earlier, he re-checked Kihyun’s temperature and blood pressure and then he proceeded to listen to his heart and lungs with his trusted stethoscope. He then called out to the nurse signaling her to do something for him. She nodded and diligently moved to the other side of the room. She appeared beside the doctor a moment later and positioned an oxygen mask on Kihyun’s face after removing the oxygen tube that was originally used.

The act alarmed the six other spectators in the room.

“I-Is… everything okay?” Shownu asked anxiously from where he was standing.

Dr.Kang turned to face the youngster, “Give me just a second” He turned to the nurse and spoke to her in a language that only medical personnel could understand. Once again, she nodded at the doctor’s order and promptly exited the room.

The doctor then turned back to the six anxious boys.  He weighed his decision for a moment before opening his mouth to speak to the boys. “Actually, I should be talking to your manager about this, but I think it would be unfair if I made you leave without knowing what is happening.” He paused momentarily; seemingly hesitant to explain the situation at hand.

“I’ll try to make this as simple as I can. Kihyun’s condition is getting worse. Despite all the medications that we have him on, his temperature’s not coming down, and his blood pressure is consistently dropping. He’s having trouble breathing and from listening to his lungs, it’s clear to me that his lungs have been compromised by the infection. His body is just too weak to fight the infection… if the antibiotic fails to get the upper hand soon, more of his organs are going to be affected.  We will keep monitoring him and keep treating him aggressively with antibiotics. We’ll do everything we can for him…” The elderly doctor realized that that was a lot to take, but there was no other way of sugar coating it.

The boys stood listening to the doctor wordlessly. None of them knew how to deal with the news.

“And… from what I understood, his family hasn’t been contacted… am I right?” His voice was grim and the doctor seemed to hesitate for a moment. “I think they really need to know about Kihyun’s condition…” Dr.Kang spoke in subdued urgency, indirectly letting them know how serious things have gotten for Kihyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still around reading this story, hello and thank you! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. :)  
> Damn, I was struggling with this chapter.


	7. Delirium.

  

 

 

After Dr.Kang’s prognosis on Kihyun’s condition, the management finally decided that it was time to contact Kihyun’s family and tell them what exactly happened. Kihyun’s parents were extremely upset with the management and their decision to keep their son’s health condition from them, and rightfully so.

Finding out that their healthy and active son had been lying sick on a hospital bed for days was a bitter pill to swallow for Kihyun’s parents. They never had to deal with anything to this extent before; Kihyun had always been a healthy child. So, receiving an unexpected call from the company informing them that their son had been admitted to the hospital really sent them into a frenzied panic.

They were told that their son was admitted to the hospital due to a ruptured appendix, they knew that much. They expected to see a weak but conscious and coherent Kihyun, but instead, they were faced with a critically ill son. They were never prepared to see the dire condition that their son was in.

Kihyun was restless. Though he appeared to be asleep, the boy feebly shifted under the covers, small whimpers escaping his lips every now and then. The sight broke his parents’ hearts. They had seen their child through a variety of childhood sickness, but none of them were as serious as this—not even close.  Never in a million years did they ever imagine having to see their son lying unconscious on a hospital bed with various medical equipment and tubes attached to him.  It was a really difficult sight for Kihyun’s parents to process.

The couple had barely settled themselves onto the provided chairs when a tall man with silver hair stepped into the room. He greeted them with a small bow and padded closer towards the bed.

“Sorry if I’m interrupting. I’m Kang Sangmoo. I’m Kihyun-sshi’s doctor and I have been the one in charge of him since he was first admitted. I’m here to explain your son’s condition in detail and the steps that we are going to be taking to help him along the way.”  Dr.Kang went straight up to the point. There was really no time for small pleasantries. “The nurse will be coming in to do their round in a bit. Shall we step outside while I have a word with the both of you?”

Kihyun’s parents looked at each other, exchanging nervous glances but nodded and followed the doctor out into the hall.

Dr.Kang had always been good at being professional and keeping his composure, especially after all those years of practice. But delivering unfavorable news to his patients or their loved ones still proved to be one of the hardest things that he has to face daily in his career.

“What is exactly wrong with my son, doctor?” Kihyun’s mother asked before the doctor could open his mouth.

“As you know, your son was brought here due to a ruptured appendix. When he was brought in, he was unconscious and in a bad shape. We managed to fix the situation by performing an appendectomy on him.”

“Appendectomy?”

Dr.Kang cleared his throat and corrected himself. “A surgical removal of the appendix.” Years of experience in this field, he still managed to forget that not everyone speaks in medical lingo. “While the surgery was a success, there were concerns of possible infection due to the ruptured appendix. Unfortunately, that was exactly the case. We caught it quite early on, but his body wasn’t responding to the antibiotics fast enough to combat the infection from spreading."

“Is he-… is he going to be okay then?” Kihyun’s mother pressed on, her voice visibly trembling.

“He’s still not responding to the antibiotics that we have administered.” The doctor admitted regretfully. “The infection is severe… at this moment it’s already affecting the function of his lungs. I’m afraid if this continues on, it’s going to affect more of his organs. ”

“What are his chances…?” Kihyun’s father willed himself to ask the dreadful question. Kihyun’s mother clung to his side, her eyes glassy with tears.

Here comes the part that he hated the most. Dr.Kang drew in a deep breath before answering. "The mortality rate is quite high, especially for elder patients. Kihyun-sshi is young, but his immune system was already weak when he came in and his body has been through a lot. We are still aggressively trying to treat him with a spread of antibiotics. But, if his infected organs start to shut down, then we will have no choice but to look at a more invasive procedure to keep him alive.” He cleared his throat and gave it a few seconds before continuing. “We’re not at that point yet. Let’s hope we will never have to get to that point.”

Kihyun's parents nodded. They straightened themselves and desperately tried to clear their somber expressions.

“Thank you… if there’s nothing else, we would like to go back and be with our son…”Kihyun’s father said, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Of course, I will drop by again later for my night round. And If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to see me.”

 

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Kihyun’s mother spent most of her time perched by his son's side. His father came and went from time to time; other responsibilities kept him from staying for too long. For the most part, Kihyun had no other visitors coming in and out to see him— besides his parents, of course. The other members were busy with their schedules, and only a handful of close family members were told about what happened.

The vocalist’s condition was on a steady decline. He slept most of the time, drifting in and out of awareness. Whenever he was awake he never seemed coherent enough to properly interact like he normally would. Kihyun’s mother tried her best to remain strong for her youngest son, remaining by his side while waiting and praying for a change in his condition.

 

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After getting back to their normal routine, the boys were once again thrown into a whirlwind of demanding schedules. Despite their main vocalist’s absence, the rest of the Monsta X members had to forge on with the group's comeback preparations. Photoshoots, interviews, dance practices, recordings, and other individual activities kept the boys on their toes with barely any time on their hands to spare.

None of them had the chance to see Kihyun at the hospital since their last visit before they got back to work. And that was almost four days ago. They’d receive updates on Kihyun’s condition from time to time through their managers, but that alone wasn’t enough for the worried boys— they needed to see Kihyun with their own eyes. And that was exactly what Shownu and Jooheon had decided to do when they finished their part of schedule a little bit earlier that day.

It was totally an impromptu decision. As much as they wanted the other members to come as well, they knew that their schedules wouldn’t allow them such luxury. They would have to make do with whatever time available to visit their sick friend at the hospital.

As soon as they were let off, Shownu and Jooheon found themselves standing right in front of the door to Kihyun’s hospital room. The leader gave a few soft knocks on the door before slowly pushing it open. He cautiously stepped inside, Jooheon following close behind him.

They had already half expected to find someone else in the room with Kihyun, and they were right. Both boys bowed their heads almost in unison, greeting Kihyun’s mother who had been keeping vigil beside her ailing son. She offered them a wan, but sincere smile. “He’s awake…” she said softly, ushering the boys to come closer. There was a tiny glint of excitement in her tired eyes. “Kihyun… look, Hyunwoo and Jooheon are here…”

Shownu and Jooheon briskly sauntered over, both boys were pleased to see that Kihyun's eyes were indeed open. It had been a while since they last saw their friend awake. The last few times they were there to visit, Kihyun had been sleeping— knocked out by various heavy-duty medications that he was on.

Despite being awake, Kihyun looked dazed and unfocused. His parlor remained a sickly shade of grey, his breaths came in raspy and labored under the oxygen mask. There was something so unsettling about the way Kihyun looked, it was as if the light in his eyes had faded and there was a solemn emptiness to his gaze.

“Kihyun-ah…” Shownu’s face softened, a smile spread across his face despite the pit that formed in his stomach.

“How are you feeling, hyung….” Jooheon broke into a dimpled smile. Unconsciously feeling the need for a physical contact, he placed a hand on Kihyun’s own, being mindful of the IV tubes attached to him.

Kihyun looked up at Jooheon for a mere second, he blinked a slow heavy blink and then turned his eyes away toward his mother. The act itself was slow, but it seemed that Kihyun was weakly coiling away from Jooheon’s touch.

The smile on Jooheon’s face faded, he turned to Shownu and they shared a look of sheer surprise and confusion.

Kihyun’s mother shared the same expression, she didn’t know what that was about but she was taken aback by Kihyun’s reaction. She looked at her son and saw the look in his eyes that she could only interpret as confusion.

“Kihyun-ah… its Hyunwoo and Jooheon… ” the elderly woman frowned, brushing her son’s sweat-matted hair off his forehead. She turned her gaze up to the two boys standing on the other side of the bed with sad eyes. “He’s… been a little disoriented and out of it... it’s the fever, the drugs…” She explained dejectedly, silently apologizing on behalf of her son and hoping that Jooheon didn’t take it to heart.

Jooheon forced a brave smile and nodded. He understood the situation, but somehow he couldn’t help but feel a little hurt when the vocalist cringed away from his touch. Kihyun’s half-mast, feverish eyes displayed pain, distrust and an array of confusing emotions that he could not decipher.

Jooheon remained quiet; he didn't know if he could be in the room any longer. Guilt and devastation were gnawing away at him and he didn't know how to handle it.

Sensing the younger boy’s state of unease, Shownu rested a reassuring hand on the back of Jooheon’s shoulder.  He pulled two chairs closer to the side of the bed and motioned for the younger boy to have a seat as he settled on a chair himself.  The sight before him was heart-breaking, but the leader tried his best to keep his composure. Not only he had to be strong for Jooheon, he felt like he needed to be strong for Kihyun’s mother as well. He could only imagine how a mother must have felt having to watch her son in such grave condition. Because in reality, behind the hard exterior he was wearing, Shownu could barely hold it together.

Kihyun seemed to drift in and out of consciousness. It was clear to them that the vocalist was in no shape to hold any sort of coherent conversation. They sat in silence for a while until Kihyun's mother initiated a small talk. Speaking in low voices, their conversations revolved mostly around Shownu, Jooheon and the rest of the other members. The elderly woman asked about their well-being, their schedules, the group's upcoming plans— mostly on things that didn't involve Kihyun's current condition. She was avoiding the subject. She didn't want to further add more stress and worry for the boys. From time to time, the three of them fell silent again. The only sound that was constant was the sound of Kihyun's grating breaths and the soft beeps coming from the heart monitor.

“Eomma…” It came out more like a sigh, and all three heads perked up, eyes darting towards the boy lying in the bed.

“Yes, Kihyunnie…” The mother automatically leaned closer towards her son.

“Don’t feel so good…” Kihyun drew a shaky breath and his eyes searched his mother’s face.

She felt her heartbreak at how weak and small her son sounded. "I know… I know… You just need to rest then you'll be fine…" Oh, how she wished that it was that easy. How she wished that a couple days of rest could fix this whole mess of fever and infection that was plaguing her youngest’ body. She took her son’s clammy hand into her own and gave it a small squeeze.

“Can I… skip school…today?” His speech was slow and slurred.

Kihyun’s mother brought her gaze up to the two boys sitting across from her, her eyes glassy from unshed tears. Her son was so out of it that he didn’t even know what was really going on at present time.

 “Of course, baby… of course…“ She played along, placing a gentle comforting hand on Kihyun’s cheek and stroking it.

The vocalist let his eyes drift closed for a moment, he pulled in a few grating breaths before cracking his eyes opened again. Two cloudy orbs now transfixed on the elderly woman, not at all acknowledging his two friends on the opposite side of the bed.

“I… wn’t… to g’home… s’tired…” Kihyun mumbled, his speech becoming more and more unintelligible. “Hal…moni…’s home. Want… to see ‘er… g-go home see ‘er… dun like it ‘ere…” The strings of words left him panting despite the aid of the oxygen mask.

That was when his mother’s façade broke and tears sprang to her eyes. The words were incoherent, but she understood what her son was saying. She felt her blood turn into ice. Why in the world would Kihyun be asking to see his dead grandmother?  It didn’t sound right to her and a feeling of dread gripped at her heart.

“Baby… what are you even talking about…” Kihyun’s mother questioned desperately, but her voice remained soft. She knew that Kihyun was not in the right state of mind, but she couldn’t make herself play along this time.

“Tired…” his voice was little more than a breath. Kihyun held his gaze on his mother for a few seconds before his eyes fluttered closed again. A small tear hovered at the corner of his eyes before trickling down to the side of his face. His mother’s fear and desperation was lost on Kihyun as he drifted back into the realm of unconsciousness.

The scene that played before them left both Shownu and Jooheon speechless. Jooheon was reduced to tears, no longer able to keep his emotions at bay. It was really hard to see Kihyun in such a vulnerable state. He tried so hard to be strong, but this, however, was simply too much for him to bear. He glanced over at Shownu, hoping for some sort of an emotional support, but the older boy kept his gaze ahead. His fists were clenched and Jooheon could feel the leader’s whole body tensed up beside him. Before he could even try to figure out what was happening, the chair scrapped across the linoleum floor and Shownu abruptly stood up.

“I’m sorry, I have to go.” He muttered, bowing his head to Kihyun’s mother as he took his leave.

Jooheon sat there perturbed. What was happening? Where was Shownu going? Why was he even going? He could no longer articulate his own thought process. _Oh my god hyung, don’t leave me here by myself._

His first thought was that he should be going after Shownu. The older boy seemed clearly upset. He had never seen the leader lose his head like that before. But when he turned to look at Kihyun’s mother, he knew that he couldn’t just leave her like that.  He trusted his guts that Shownu would be alright on his own for the time being and decided to stay.

“I’m sorry… I don’t know what got into him…” Jooheon felt the need to apologize for their leader’s actions.

Through teary eyes, Kihyun’s mother smiled softly. “It’s alright Jooheon… I don’t blame him. He’s probably just upset… it could get very overwhelming… I just hope that he’s okay…” she turned her attention back to her sleeping son. “You have no idea how many times I wanted to just run from here… It’s really hard to see him like this…” The mother admitted, her loving eyes never leaving her son’s pale face.

The silence between them lingered for a while before it was interrupted by the sound of the door being pushed open.  Jooheon had expected to see Shownu, but instead, he saw Dr.Kang making his way into the room.

“Good afternoon.” Dr.Kang greeted curtly as he strode towards the bed. His expression solemn and unusually serious, a frown tugged on his lips. There were things to discuss regarding Kihyun’s condition and he didn’t think that it was going to be an easy task at all. He let out a heavy sigh before opening his mouth again to speak. “Kihyun’s condition doesn’t seem to be improving at all and his condition is deteriorating.” The doctor said as he moved closer to his patient, pulling out the stethoscope out of his lab coat pocket. From his peripheral vision, he could see Kihyun’s mother looking up at him with teary eyes from the other side of the bed.

Understanding what the doctor was about to do, Jooheon stood up from his seat to make way for the doctor. The aged doctor gave the boy a nod of appreciation and took his place beside his patient. He put the stethoscope's earpiece in place and listened with such concentration. The frown on his face deepened even more than before. The expression that the doctor wore clued that things weren’t going so well.

“W-what is going on with my son, Doctor?” Kihyun’s mother brought herself to ask, even though she knew that the answer might not be what she wanted to hear.

“As I said earlier, his condition hasn’t improved at all and continues to decline… I’m afraid we’re going to have to move him to the ICU. The infection has caused a large decrease in his blood pressure and his lungs function was badly compromised. His breathing ability has significantly decreased, and his oxygen level is very low that it’s barely readable. Though I hope we don’t have to resort to it, we might need to put him on a ventilator.

“A venti- what?” Jooheon cut in before the doctor could say more.

“A ventilator. It’s basically a machine to assist him with his breathing.

“But isn’t that helping him with his breathing already?” Jooheon asked, pointing to the oxygen mask fastened on Kihyun’s face.

Dr.Kang sighed and nodded. “Yes, to a certain level. But as I have mentioned earlier, his breathing ability has decreased and he’s working very hard to breathe. If he continues on like this, it is going to put a very heavy strain on his heart. His body won’t be able to handle all the strain at this state.” The doctor noticed the growing despair in the room, but he knew he had to get his job done. “I am thinking of moving him to the ICU tonight. I don’t want to delay it and risk his health further. If his condition remained unchanged by tomorrow morning, I would have no choice but to have him put under a medically induced comatose state to aid him in the healing process. That means he will need to be intubated and put on the ventilator.”

Kihyun’s mother grimaced at the doctor’s words. She sat there speechless, fear plaguing her heart. How could things have gone this bad for her son? She could not fathom it. She pulled her son’s hand to her lips and kissed it, gently shaking her head. “Oh, my poor baby…”

“I understand this is hard for you to digest, especially as a parent. This is not something you want to hear. But at this point that would be the best choice for your son. I only have interest in his recovery and I will do everything in my power to help him. But outside from that, it is all up to Kihyun-sshi.”

“Thank you…” She paused a moment before saying with tears in his eyes. “Please do whatever you can for him…”

Dr.Kang nodded and gave her a small sad smile. “I’ll be back later before we move him to the ICU. If you need anything, please let me know.”

With that, the doctor made his way out of the room.

After the doctor left, the room fell into a perpetual state of silence. Kihyun was lying on the bed, oblivious to what was happening around him. His mother remained perched by his side, her eyes never leaving the pale face of her youngest son. Jooheon now stood stiffly beside Kihyun’s mother, trying to offer some semblance of comfort but he was unable to think of anything. The doctor’s diagnosis was slowly settling into his mind.

Time passed, none of them said anything to each other. Both their attention was fixed on the unconscious boy lying on the bed before them. The sound of his labored and rasping breaths became the only sound in the room that they could hear.

They didn’t even really noticed it when Shownu came slinking back into the room.

The leader could feel the atmosphere of the room change. If it was heavy before he left, this time it was even worse.

“I’m sorry about before…”  Shownu apologized. There was no excuse for him to leave like that. But he needed to clear his mind. He could have done in a different manner, but his emotions were getting the best of him. He let a few moments passed before he opened his mouth again. “I-Is… is e-everything okay?” Shownu stammered. He knew everything was not okay and that was a stupid question. But the air in the room had changed into something else and he knew there was more to it.

He didn’t receive any verbal answer from both Jooheon and Kihyun’s mother. The only response that he got was Kihyun’s mother breaking into a sobbing mess. With that, Shownu somehow understood that things were getting worse for Kihyun.

 

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Music blared loudly in the small space of the dance studio as the boys moved in unison to their dance steps. It had been a long day and the boys couldn’t wait to finish up for the day. They were dancing to the second verse of the song when the music abruptly came to a stop.

They looked at each other, sharing perplexed expression. Their manager was standing by the music player with his phone clutched tightly in his hand. His expression was grey and dejected.

“Boys… I just got a call from the hospital. They said…” He paused seemingly not able to continue the sentence. “…they said Kihyun’s condition had taken turn for the worse… and they don't know if he's going to make it through the night…"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I apologize for the very slow update. Also, thank you for all the kudos and comments, I greatly appreciate them.  
> Thank you for your interest in this story. If you're still around reading this story, hello and thank you! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. :)


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